Before I start let me say this….THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR…it is simply words! I am spouting off because I am just a little angry!
I am PISSED OFF AT DIABETES and worse yet DIABETES IS PISSED OFF AT ME. Yes I know diseases can’t show emotion but some time it sure seems like they can and diabetes is one of them.
Diabetes is a nasty disease. It affects each person slightly differently and it manifests slightly differently in each person. They can call it Type 1, Type 2, auto immune, gestational, LADA, MODY, etc and each person who has been given a label wears that TYPE like a badge. It is a brand…a brand that we are different that we are somehow broken and un-whole. Sometimes it feels like we are also unworthy of even wearing that badge. Like for petes sake: CANT YOU EVEN DO DIABETES RIGHT????
I am just getting lab results back….my A1C was 8.3. My cholesterol was high and my thyroid a tad on the low side. Plus I gained back the weight that I lost. I am pissed because the only thing that has changed is the amount of insulin that I am taking. I am MORE ACTIVE and eating close to the same that I was when I lost the weight…so what the h#(* is going on? In May I was taking .025 units of insulin per hour of U50 (half strength of regular) insulin. In September…just this am I upped my dose to .850 units per hour of regular insulin PLUS I GET AN A1C on 8.3. WTF!
Add that into the fact I am REALLY SICK AND TIRED OF THE BLAME GAME! Well it is YOUR FAULT that you have diabetes!!! You need to lose weight, You need to exercise more, you can’t do that, you should do this, WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR YOUR NUMBERS WOULD COME DOWN! Read any diabetic website and you will see the blame game…..YOU EAT TO MANY CARBS….YOU NEED TO USE THIS SUPPLIMENT…YOU NEED TO TRY THIS MEDICINE….WELL THIS PRODUCT WILL HELP CURE MORNING RESISTANCE.
EVERY DAY I pray for a cure…..I don’t see that happening. It actually wouldn’t surprise me if there isn’t already a cure that we are not hearing about . Diabetes is a TRILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY…..those making that kind of money don’t want a cure! Are you kidding me…..one test strip is one dollar…..in my case they are making between 10 and 15 bucks a day just to check my glucose levels. The needles, insulin, pills, sensors, pumps tubing, glucagons, glucose tabs or solutions…oh wait don’t forget the lil thingy that cuts they end off of needles so you don’t accidentally jab yourself, or how about carrying cases for all the junk you got to carry….this list could go on and on.
OK so it is my fault and they are going to bankrupt me for being so weak and helpless……no kidding a casket at Costco is $950….YOU DO THE MATH which is cheapest! No I am not going there but don’t think I don’t ponder it.
Then lets talk about what diabetes can do to your body in the long term……skin rashes, heart problems, strokes, eye problems, just to mention a few…oh gee we have that to look forward to as well. WELL IF YOU TAKE CONTROL of your disease then those problems MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. So gee I get to be responsible for all of that to….
I am not a saint but I can sure as hell tell you I haven’t done anything in my life that would CAUSE this disease. This disease I WAS BORN WITH IT and while I can do a lot to take action against it and slow down its progression it is still going to be there! I have done EVERYTHING they have told me to do and more. I have read everything I can get my hands on and applied it. I have thought outside of the box and tried new and unusual and yet for this moment the diabetes seems to have won this round of the battle. There will be another round and I am sure that sometimes it is going to win and sometimes I will win but you know what the END is going to be the same. Maybe sooner…maybe later…but in the end it is still the same.
I realize this is pretty negative but I am tired and frustrated. I want to lash out at folks who don’t even quite get the words that they spew out of their mouth as easily as they fart. I won’t but I want to!!! What I do get is the CRAP HAPPENS IN THIS WORLD….IT IS WHAT IT IS AND IT WILL BE WHAT IT IS. At some point you just step back and say I AM DOING THE BEST I KNOW HOW AND SCREW YOU IF IT IT ISNT UP TO YOUR STANDARDS!
So would you like some cheese with my whine????????